A man who regrets the decision to leave his wife for his mistress is scolded online.
In a post on Reddit’s True Off My Chest forum on Nov. 11, u/Used-Veterinarian978 wrote that he had left his wife of 15 years for a co-worker. However, he has since realized that it was a mistake, but he doesn’t know if his ex will take him back or not.
Since he shared his story, the post has garnered more than 12,000 upvotes and nearly 4,000 comments, with Redditors showing no sympathy for the man and his plight.
Love vs Lust
So told life coach Marni Goldman News week that the “grass isn’t always greener” when it comes to relationships.
“Love and lust have two very different meanings, and that confusion brings heartbreak and disappointment,” she said.
Goldman added that it’s normal for people to be unhappy in confusing themselves with relationship problems, but resolving your issues can help you avoid blowing up your romance.
“Many of us have unhealing hidden wounds inside, and instead of healing ourselves and finding self-love, we look for other people, places and things to fill those empty holes,” Goldman said.
“Love is not something we look for, love is something we become.”
“I wish I could just tell her how I feel”
In his post, Used-Veterinarian978 wrote that he and his ex-wife had been happily married for 15 years and had two daughters together, ages 14 and 12.
Nevertheless, he had struggled with his mental health during the pandemic and blamed being with his wife 24/7 as the cause.
“I thought I was stagnant and out of love for my wife and being home made me realize that, instead of the truth that I was depressed for being home,” he wrote.
After returning to the office after the lockdown, he started an affair with his new colleague Ana, the opposite of his “shy and calm” wife.
“Ana is free and happy. Social and cheerful. She has taken the office by storm,” the poster wrote.
He told his wife that he was no longer in love with her and had moved in with Ana within a week.
“[My wife] asked me if anyone else was there and I said yes,” he posted. That was enough for her not to try and dissuade me.
“I know she was hurt and suffering in secret and I never tried to comfort her because I didn’t want her to know that I knew how much pain she was in.”
However, Used-Veterinarian978’s new life did not go as expected, and not long after he left, he began to miss his old life with his wife and children.
“I used to be with my daughters every day and now I only see them half the time,” the poster continued.
“My wife was my rock, even when I was divorced. I knew she was in pain and I could tell she missed me, but she never lost her dignity.”
Yet it was the first Christmas with Ana that he realized what he had really given up. While delivering presents to his wife’s house, he suddenly realized how much he missed her.
“I missed her warmth, her voice, her calmness, her wit and especially her scent when I buried my face in her hair and neck on Saturdays,” he wrote.
“I knew I would never really love her. She wasn’t the reason I went through a dark period, she was the only light that pushed me forward.”
Nearly a year later, and Used-Veterinarian978’s is filled with regret, but his wife seems to have left.
“I’ve been trying to explain it away because I have a new brilliant girlfriend who is so different and who is teaching me how to get excited again,” the redditor wrote.
“Over the past year, picking up and dropping off the kids has been something I look forward to just seeing my wife’s face.
“I’ve noticed how she’s become happier and more coming to terms with the changes and I envy her. I wish I could just tell her how I feel but I don’t want to interfere with her healing if she’s come this far .”
Reddit users were unsympathetic, with GinnyMcJuicy calling the poster a “narcissist.”
“People really throw everything away for the thrill and then realize it’s not what they thought it would be,” ayymahi wrote.
“This man needs to disconnect from everyone and focus on himself and his children,” RumHamDiary wrote. “He can’t be true to either woman and hardly to himself. The least he can do is be faithful to his children.’
“You manifested the same problem with someone else,” beefytaint21 noted. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Go to therapy or something maybe? You need to get to the root of this.”
Redditor dutchyardeen wrote, “The reality is that he is just like any other cheater. He puts the responsibility for his happiness on whoever he is ‘in love’ with at the time. His ex-wife deserves better.”
News week contacted Used-Veterinarian978.
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