‘GTA 6’ won’t be ‘woke’ or ‘broken’ when it arrives

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Well, that didn’t take long. In the wake of a new Bloomberg report talking about Rockstar scaling back some potentially offensive content for Grand Theft Auto VI and revealing a new female protagonist for the game, accusations of GTA 6 “wake up” are pouring in. already inside.

Here is Florida Republican Congressional candidate (?) Lavern Spicer who came in yesterday after being briefed on the news:

But she wasn’t alone, and I heard the concept of waking up quite a bit on the internet yesterday. What’s actually “awake” about what was described in the Bloomberg piece? We have:

  • Rockstar declined to continue with the GTA Online Cops n’ Crooks mode in the wake of George Floyd’s death.
  • Rockstar removed transphobic jokes from the recent GTA 5 re-release on consoles.
  • Rockstar says they don’t want to “clap” by making fun of marginalized groups in GTA 6, compared to previous games.
  • Rockstar is giving GTA 6 a female Latina lead, the series’ first-ever female lead, although she appears to have a playable male counterpart in a “Bonnie and Clyde”-esque story.

Again, we find ourselves primarily trying to parse the bizarre conservative definition of the word “awake”, which in this case includes… no anti-trans or potentially racist jokes and… first-time players as let a woman play time in the series’ 20-year history. Sure, okay then.

But after that, I feel like you really didn’t pay attention to the GTA series as a whole, since the whole concept of the world that exists in these games is that America is a corrupt, capitalist hellscape where the American Dream only exists as you lie, cheat and steal your way to the top. GTA as a series has allowed players to slaughter the cops with the truckload since the GTA 3 days, so what, is it going to be used as a conservative topic of conversation now that GTA 6 is “anti-cop” if that tradition continues?

You can twist anything to fit your story, and suddenly the police murder simulator set in a rotten parody of America wakes up because… you can play as a woman and they won’t start making transphobic pranks. Okay.

In terms of “breaking down”? Excuse me as I sit here and laugh for twenty minutes. There is literally nothing Rockstar could do that would make GTA 6 anything less than a mega hit right now. GTA 5 has sold 165 million copies, miles beyond any traditionally priced game, with the next comparable perhaps being Mario Kart 8, as that wasn’t a cheaper title like Minecraft or Tetris, nor an always bundled game like Wii Sports or Super Mario Bros.

The point, even if lightning doesn’t strike twice, GTA sells at what, at least 50 million copies? 75 million? And that’s conservative, judging by the performance of the last game, 100 million copies practically seems like a guarantee. You could have GTA 6 star Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez herself and there aren’t enough offended conservatives in the world to boycott this to make it anything less than a monster hit.

Trust me, you’ll be hearing this “wake up” story more and more as new information is revealed about GTA 6 and its new characters, setting, and storyline. And yet I guarantee you that fundamentally very little will change about the game itself, other than less lame jokes, and it will still destroy everything in its path, when it comes down to it.

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